Fear is a liar….

Tomorrow I begin something that I never thought I’d ever hear myself say……a six week fitness program, for real, like with exercise and everything!!!

Not gonna lie, I hate exercise! It hurts, it’s work, and I don’t look ANYTHING like the people on the videos, and I don’t move like them either!!! What was I thinking??

What I was thinking was, “I can’t keep doing (or not doing) the same thing year after year and expect real and lasting change.”

So what has held me back all these years? In a word…..FEAR. Fear of commitment, fear of failure, fear of having something required of me, fear of pain, fear of being vulnerable, fear of being held accountable, and fear of having my fears exposed…

It isn’t wrong to feel fear. There are some situations that if you don’t feel fear, you’re likely not breathing either. Fear has a purpose. It can alert us to danger before the danger is even apparent.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but moving forward in spite of the fear.

Joyce Meyer says that if you know you’re supposed to do something and you are afraid, then you just do it afraid!

I KNOW I am supposed to do this, and I know that it is Jesus that wants me to do it – if for no other reason than the fact that I would NEVER consider doing this on my own!!! In fact, when I felt He was telling me I needed to do this, I just laughed and said God, you have me mistaken with someone else….. Yeah, He’s funny like that. Like the saying that He loves me just as I am, but He loves me too much to leave me just as I am.

Tomorrow I begin this six week commitment, and I definitely have fear. Fears that say I am not good enough, I will never be able to do this, I don’t fit in, I will look stupid, I should be embarrassed even considering this, I’m a poser…. blah, blah, blah. I can bow to these fears and stay stuck, controlled by lies, excuses, and uncertainty.

But I am meant for more.

So I will step out and move into what is unfamiliar, uncomfortable, stretching (in more ways than one) and experience change, growth, and transformation!!!

Please listen to the video….it makes me weep.

“It is for freedom that Jesus set us free….” Galatians 5:1

What. A. Week!!

Oh my gosh….what a stretch. Six days, crazy, busy, insane days at work, feeling like crap, just trying to push through. Thankfully, I have two days off, but I have so much to do here at home post-holiday season.

To be honest, I can look at all I need to accomplish this weekend and feel overwhelmed and defeated before it even starts, or I can use the time cleaning, tidying, organizing to just think, pray, meditate, focus on something besides work…. all while doing the tasks that need to be done, but don’t require a lot of focus or thought.

I’ve learned from the past that it uses up just as much mental energy avoiding something or dreading it, as it does to actually get to business and get it done. The difference is that after 8 hours of procrastinating, the job still remains. But when I just tackle it head on, I feel SO good after, and a real sense of peace fills me when I conquer the clutter and chaos, and get everything back in order!!!!

Yet I know I also need down time. Although I love my job, it is mentally stressful, demanding, and some days, just plain exhausting. I can’t be “on” all the time.

Striking a balance is not easy. The perfectionist in me feels guilty taking any time to just be….to relax, to dream, to plan, to sleep. But the procrastinator in me (who I believe is just the flip side of the perfectionist) would sit all day on Pinterest or Facebook and not accomplish anything.

So, my plan is to get done what needs to get done in order for me to feel like my world is in order. So that will be the basic dusting, vacuuming, mopping, laundry…..but I won’t be hauling out everything out of the cupboards and closets to purge and organize, or paint the rooms I want to paint. Not this time….

But once I’ve created a space and atmosphere that I can relax and enjoy, I will be taking time for reflection and connection as I pursue His heart for this coming year.

And meal prep……always meal prep!!!